


Falling Here (Like A Dead Star)

by impossiblesongs



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-01
Updated: 2013-02-01
Packaged: 2017-11-27 20:31:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/666194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impossiblesongs/pseuds/impossiblesongs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not just finding out Merlin has magic and proving once again to have been the most loyal, bravest person he's ever known. No. It's realizing something else when it's too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling Here (Like A Dead Star)

**Author's Note:**

> AN: I keep torturing myself by watching the last two episodes every day and this is what happens. Depressing stuff ensues. Lyrics included from ‘Crystal’ by Stevie Nicks. Title from the song _Honey_ by Hole.  
>  Disclaimer: Not mine. BBC. Those damn life ruiners.

_How the faces of love have changed turning the pages_  
_And I have changed, oh, but you..._  
_You remain ageless_  
_I turned around_  
_And the water was closing all around_  
_Like a glove_  
_Like the love that had finally, finally found me_  
_And I knew_

 

 

"It's too late," he huffs, Merlin's limbs an argument without voice as the other man troubles himself trying to slip up from Arthur's dead weight, squirming beneath him in determination to give him a renewed breath of life.

Merlin has no doubts as he struggles in trying to get them to the lake and it occurs to Arthur then that Merlin has not even considered the fact that this is it. For Merlin there is no other possible outcome, and Arthur sees that now.

All those times he remembers, every single time Merlin looked at him and he just couldn't put his finger on it but it was  _there._  There as Merlin always had been and always seemed to be. Now that he  _knows_  and he  _sees_  and actually knows what it  _means_  it's almost enough to make him  _want_  to die for being so ignorant and stupid but not as much as he wants to live,  _here._  With Merlin. Just Merlin.

Arthur's heart aches at every trying pulse because he understands everything now, not just the magic but  _this._  It's all startlingly clear and he finds himself wondering how he could have missed it at all. It was there every day right in front of him. How did he not know?

He's telling Merlin it's no use. He can't save him.

"I'm not going to lose you." Merlin says and his voice already sounds so far away.

"Just, just… just hold me." He places his hand on Merlin's own, his heart swelling and a longing starting to burn beneath his skin. " _Please_."

It's hard, every breath is rough and harsh at every intake but he still tries, "There's something I want to say."

Merlin is still struggling, still  _fighting_ , "You're not going to say goodbye."

"No," he promises, gasping for breath even though it shows him no mercy, "Merlin. Everything you've done, I know now."

It's so hard to keep his eyes open, it hurts down to his bones, perhaps to a place even deeper and he knows it's not entirely because he's dying.

Merlin's eyes are still holding on, still, even now.

"For me," he continues, "for Camelot. For the kingdom you helped me build." And his voice trembles at that, falling a bit too short on trying to linger here. To  _this,_  to  _Merlin_.

Merlin ever so readily discredits himself, saying how he'd have done it without him and Arthur laughs. The pain doesn't dull, only rushes forward with full force.

"Maybe."

He blinks, everything in sight is starting to dull and wither, blur in lifeless motion and he feels the water lull, calling to him and beckoning him to let go with every persistent pull.

"I want to say something that I've never said to you before."

The pain is unbearable now, a different pain. The pain that isn't from dying, but a pain from realizing it far too late, just now actually realizing it. Here, like this, in Merlin's arms.

It makes his soul start to sink further towards the lake of Avalon.

He claims another breath, one that is already half dead and says, "Thank you."

He reaches up to touch Merlin for the last time. This is the last time,  _the_  last time and it's too late. He realized it too late and it's not fair.

He hears his name just as he lets his eyes fall shut, the water that awaits his spirit starts to lay its claim to him.

Merlin's voice shouting his name rattles his soul and pulls him back to the living for one split second, eyes fluttering open only to fall shut once more but still he hears the plea.

"Stay with me."

Merlin's voice continues to fade and he's trying so hard to hear and to  _stay_  but it's too far away. And he's too far gone. And it's not fair.

The only comfort is he's in Merlin's arms as he slips away and he wouldn't have it any other way. Could not bear it any other way.

He can put his finger on it now. There was always something about Merlin. It was  _Merlin_.

 

 

" _Thank you_ ,"

And he means  ** _I love you_** _._

" _Stay with me_ ,"

And  _he_  means  ** _take me with you_** _._


End file.
